Monday, September 05, 2005

India's different cultures by the numbers

For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, here is a shortcut to make their work easier.

Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers:

One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a cavery water squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.

One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.

One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group.
Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement.

One Rajasthani is a cattle-seller.
Two Rajasthanis is a mason.
Three Rajasthanis is a puppet show.
Four Rajasthanis is a folk dance-drama.

One Goan is Remo Fernandes.
Two Goans is a Feni distillery.
Three Goans is a football club.
Four Goans is an all-night-long beach party.

One Mangalorean is a supari seller.
Two Mangaloreans can't stand one another.
Three Mangaloreans is an Udupi restaurant.
Four Mangaloreans is a fanatical Konkani Sabha.

One Bombayite is a hawker.
Two Bombayites is a film industry.
Three Bombayites is a slum.
Four Bombayites is the rush-hour train crowd.

One Maharashtrian is a bus conductor.
Two Maharashtrians is a kabaddi match.
Three Maharashtrians is a Ganpati procession.
Four Maharashtrians is a Shiv Sena Shakha.

One Gujarati is a share broker in a Mumbai train.
Two Gujaratis is the total chatter in a Mumbai train.
Three Gujaratis is a rummy game in a Mumbai train.
Four Gujaratis is a dandiya-raas session all night long.

One Sardarji is truck driver.
Two Sardarjis is santa singh and banta singh.
Three Sardarjis is roadside dhaba.
Four Sardarjis are in army.

One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis is a caste killing.
Four Biharis is the total literate population of the state.

One Bhaiyya is a milkman.
Two Bhaiyyas is a chanawala (or panipuri wala).
Three Bhaiyyas is a temple-destruction squad.
Four Bhaiyyas is a halwai shop.
(And 12 Bhaiyyas is one SMALL family).

One Kashmiri is a boatman.
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris is a tourist agency.
Four Kashmiris is shouting some slogans for no reason.

One Kannadiga is a coffee estate.
Two Kannadigas is a Udupi restaurant.
Three Kannadigas is a pepper powder factor.
Four Kannadigas is an anti-Cauvery squad.

One Parsi is a sentence punctuated with BC's and MC's.
Two Parsis is a doctor and a lawyer.
Three Parsis is a 75 year old man and his two unmarried sisters.
Four Parsis is half their remaining population.

One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees makes 40% population in Gulf.

I blogged this just for fun...and is not intented to hurt anyones pride or feelings


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Chanad said...

haha, hilarious!

silverine said...

Very true :))